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what's up it's John cristani here and I'm going to be talking about uh some mistakes to avoid when getting married I got divorced a few years ago I'm remarried now but uh I'm going to focus this on financial uh decisions and stuff uh but I'll also share some things for my own experience so uh let's [Music] go number one is you know a mistake to avoid is avoiding the money talk you know talking about what are you and your partners uh you know kind of like financial goals like income goals and wealth goals like where are both of you going to feel satisfied and comfortable in terms of your personal wealth right you know like you know uh I you know some people might freak out if they don't have at least you know $5 million in the bank right some people might freak out if they you know know not care you know some people might freak out if they don't have at least $5,000 in emergency assets you know everybody's different but you have to understand your partners goals there and also income you know what is what is the goal that you both are aiming to get towards and you know what is the reality right because you need to know how much you need saved and how much you need to make that's really important to figure out you know how often you're going on vacation or what how how you really make decisions around money because of course one person in the relationship is going to be earning more than the other person you know in like 99.9% of cases another mistake to avoid is heated arguments in general you know a lot of people argue about money saying oh I want you know I really want this I deserve it you know is what a lot of these Millennials say I deserve that you know but uh you know the reality is you know arguing about finances and stuff it's better to cool off you know when you're in like an emotion an emotional state you're not thinking right you're your your thought rational thought is here emotional thought when you're heated when you're like you you know your heart's like you know like I need to you know I need to I I I need to convince my partner I need this or they shouldn't do this or whatever right then you're in your emotional brain and that's not good you know so you got to you got to cool off you got to take a second and come back to the you know the discuss when it's more of a discussion in a rational you know calm place and revisit that and that can be really hard in practice because you know when somebody's like you know like you shouldn't do that or somebody's like I want this you know it's there's a lot of emotions and usually you know both people or at least one person wants to stay in there and say no let's discuss this now and it can get really difficult to peel yourself off of that you know emotional conversation but the reality is it's not a good place to you know have you know to you know to dis discuss anything when you're sitting in your emotional brain another mistake is keeping like you know you know Financial secrets you know but I just say secrets in general are pretty bad you know uh whether it's it's you know you have uh you know taking sleeping pills at night or you know whether you have a problem you know and you you slip those you try not to let your partner know or whether it's uh you know you you you you've been purchasing some some things that uh you know like you've been making purchases that are too expensive and not necessarily within the budget or whatever right that's also bad and can create problems down the road Another one not having sex like don't get married if you're not going to have sex you know uh and in in Jewish culture uh it's it's like an obligation to have sex once a week uh you know whether you feel like it or not whether you trust you know trust your partner or not it's it's an obligation you know it's part of the reason why people get married if you're not going to be having sex then don't be in a relationship and in Jewish culture uh if you don't have sex with your significant other for 2 to 3 weeks uh you know the rabbi actually will you know talk to you or visit you know visit you or you know like have a discussion to figure things out it's like it's that important um for relationships and it's not you know I you know again I'm I'm going to have a controversial opinion here I I warn you and click off this video if you don't like listen to me or unsubscribe seriously like if you don't like hearing my opinions you know and if I trigger you please unsubscribe but you know it's very real and it's a big PR in society Elon musky talk about you know people aren't having enough kids and like this is the reason people don't feel like it or whatever but that's you know that's part of marriage fifth mistake uh you know from John you know so take it with a grain of salt is you know not agreeing on the number of kids you want or at least the range or whatever that is uh you know both both parties you know obviously I've heard of uh lot of stories from women that were saying oh I want to have kids but my partner doesn't he just wants to you know do this thing or whatever you know not agreeing on kids but even further going further into that you know a not agreeing on you know what each roles you know like how involved each partner is going to be when the kids come around I think uh in in modern day America you know women assume that the dads are going to be like you know kind of helicopter dads and you know all that sort of stuff and uh you know the dads you know assume that the the the woman's going to do a lot of the work but I I don't know what people assume actually that's I just know what's happens in La uh in my friend group but you know the reality is you got to you got to discuss these things you got to lay these things out beforehand so you have correct expectations or else [ __ ] goes wrong another big one which is one uh you know well I won't go into too many specific but you know not agreeing on financial goals right if one partner wants to become rich like you know like super rich and the other partner is like oh I'm just chill you know with like nice life you know living in a you know Suburban 4,000 foot house going on a trip every quarter you know stuff like that um that can be a problem because then you know one partner is working a ton and always working more and trying to save money and then the other partner is saying we're fine p take your foot off the gas you know like you know let's let's enjoy life let's spend on this and that and this why buy an investment property when we can just you know buy a worthless depreciating asset because it looks cool you know uh so you got to agree on your financial goals or you got to bring it it's a conversation topic to have so it doesn't you know it doesn't breed resentment over time the relationship problem number seven is micromanaging spending uh and you know going through your partner's transactions on their credit card you know uh which is something that you know I'm I'm guilty of and you know I was guilty of in my current relationship um was uh you know it's it's bad you know it's bad you know uh you you need to you know and if if the other person's overspending or UND or whatever you know you you you need to be able to operate you need to have that discussion separately then always just micromanaging each sort of specific thing and like pointing that out and uh yeah I'll leave it at [Applause] that okay marriage mistake number eight now this was a controversial one you know you can unsubscribe for me happily if uh you know you can't even listen to my opinions but having a wedding in general is stupid you know I say have a party I don't know many men who really enjoyed the wedding planning or the wedding process you know I think getting people together is great but I think spending you know 50 $100,000 even $20,000 on a wedding you know in my opinion it's just a waste of money it's not even a a depreciating asset you know like yeah it's but the pictures are an investment you know I've never seen a wedding become a benefit to any of the relationships I've seen now keep in mind take it with a grain of salt I'm also in California the divorce rate is 75% um crazy right but I don't see you know so like a wedding you have to even factor that in if you're having a wedding and all the pictures are important you know it's like well 75% of people are good you know but the point is I don't see it as a good investment I think it's horrible financial decision I think a party you know just have an open bar and bring get a bunch of pizza or some fine dining get some music DJ is a much better decision marriage mistake number nine is combining finances too soon I don't have too much experience about this one but what I would say is that generally you know it depends on everybody's unique situation it depends on you know your investment accounts and this and that and what whatever you know how complicated is when I got married my first time my finances were extremely simple you know I had like a bank account and a invest you know I was young you know a bank account and a you know a wealth manager managed my assets you know that was really it I definitely say keeping things somewhat separated is is a good thing I think everybody should understand money management from a you know Financial perspective if you're spending money you should understand how to manage it as well and I don't think you get that as much if it's fully combined mistake number 10 is just not saving now you know I grew up you know my parents were from the Midwest you know savings like super important I grew up around a bunch of Jewish people in LA and uh you know savings always been kind of part of my internal culture you know it's just like save save save you know the purpose of money is for saving not spending you don't get rich by spending money you get rich by saving money right it's obvious uh but in general I think you know everybody has different lifestyle goal s and you know like whatever help the elephants and whatnot but the reality is is that you know accidents happen unforeseen things black swans and whatnot are going to happen and you're going to have serious serious serious issues if you don't have reserves save for saved for these Rainy Day events you get in a car accident you you know you have to move somewhere because somebody got a new job you have to put money down on you know you want to start a business you know any of the these things you should save to allow yourself options and opportunity in life and if you don't it's just going to create tension at the end of the day it's like you know I had uh my knee all the cartilage wore down and you know if you don't have any like cartilage of that fatty tissue it just creates more problems it creates swelling it creates aches and all that stuff so if you don't have uh savings a buffer zone a rainy day fund you know that's just there you know uh it's going to create tensions and problems and you can overcome all of those just by not spending money you know and talking about not spending money stake number 11 is not having budgets you know having each partner having some sort of budget where they're you know living their General Life by is good and you know that was actually you know having a budget was my solution to uh you know the micromanaging of uh spending you know in my case now mistake number 12 uh is not having monthly relationship check-ins now what every month I go on a date with my wife and we check in how each person is feeling about different issues and you know you know everything emotional you know little issues big issues you know we you know and what I try to do is anything you know instead of coming home and being like why is it all dirty over there why does it smell like poop oh the dog pooped over there again or whatever you know it's it's being able to bring those subjects up you know of course if you come home and you just are like smells like crap in here again honey did the new puppy I bought you you know poop in the house again you know of course that's going to create tension because the first thing you're saying when you enter the door is talking about you know you know like a shortcoming of your partner you know that's awful right so tabling those discussions for more of a month you know like a monthly check-in is much better it lowers that emotion because you know you know if I come home and I smell poop from the new puppy right it's like it's like you know it's like it's like a bad feeling and then I'm trying I'm I'm unconsciously or subconsciously transferring that feeling over to you know said person you know that's awful and you know a lot of relationships get in a get in a uh you know get in this emotional just like you know transfer motion transfer motion back transfer you know and that's not good so instead of being able to just breathe and write it down maybe somewhere whatever you need to do or just remember it and table it for a discussion later that month like oh you know hey you know you know maybe it's hard right you hate smelling poop every time when you come into the house but uh you know that's good because you know after 3 weeks of you know then you could say hey I think we should get a trainer like is there anything we can do about this it allows you to make much more calm and Collective decisions and here's the last one not having regular date nights you know and I've been guilty of this too just you know after you get married falling into that pattern of just like okay we're married like work work work you know go out you know do your normal thing instead of being in that place where you're constantly flirting you're still courting that person you're still telling them how beautiful there is you're still treating your wife like you're dating her and that's why I call it a dat dat night because you know and what we do now is I I'd say we don't do it every single week but probably at least every other week is we're going on date nights but taking taking that time to put on cologne and you know wear that you know wear that jacket she thinks or he thinks is handsome or pretty you know and to taking that flirtatiousness and that you know Sexual Energy allowing that to still be present in the relationship um is important let me know if you found any of these in interesting or enjoyable or what your thoughts were this is a little bit of a different video from what I normally do it's kind of personal uh but I'm sure you picked up on a lot of stuff but uh hopefully enjoyed it make sure you subscribe to my channel like the video I'd love to see your comments honestly on this one and uh you know if you want my book or my mentorship there's links in the description krani I'm out peace

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